What is Love?

So God has been speaking to me about loving Him, my wife, my family, my friends, my co workers, strangers, etc. I can love my wife like Christ loves the church, with a holy love, but I can I love Christ the way I love my wife.

While on vacation Melinda asked me about a song that talked about being "in love" with God. I've always thought that being "in love" as worldly. Did God want our worldly love? I thought God deserved more than that. Melinda didn't know at the time that I had written a song about her that was also what I thought was a reflection of God's love for us, but God is showing me that it should also be about my love for Him. John said something to the affect of that being "in love" is the love we know, the love we have to offer and shouldn't we offer that to God? (sorry John if I'm not quoting you exactly :)

I want to love Him deeper. The deeper I love Him the deeper and more complete my love for others will be. The more I can feel His love/spirit guide me. I want to love Him so much that I would cross any obstacle to be in His presence. After all He has done that for me.

Deuteronomy 6:5 "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might"

We are comanded to do this, but moreover the Spirit in me DESIRES it. It is in the Holy Spirits character to love the Father and the Son unconditionally. My flesh, and laziness gets in the way.

Lord help me to love you, my wife, my family, my friends, and my neighbors they way you love me....

I'd walk across the desert
Parched and dry
To be in your arms
To catch a glimpse of your smile

I'd swim across the sea
Ravaged by the waves
Just to be with you
The rest of my days

I'm falling in love
From heights up above
There is no end to my fall
I want to heed love's call

I'd fly across the sky
Through the clouds
Just to feel your touch
And to hear you laugh aloud

I'd walk across the tundra
In the freezing cold
And at the end of my journey
You'd be the one to hold.

I'm falling in love
From heights up above
There is no end to my fall
I want to heed to love's call

More than a Sprinkle

My soul longs for You
my soul longs for you
Nothin' else will do
nothin' else will do
My soul longs for You
my soul longs for you
Nothin' else will do
nothin' else will do...

I believe You will come like the rain...

You'll come like the rain
So let it rain let it rain let it rain let it rain...

Hallelujah Halleljujah You'll make all things new


So Melinda and I were listening to this song the other day and Caeli out of no where says... "God will come like the rain. He will, I believe it" Melinda asked her what that meant and she said that the rain waters the grass and trees so they can grow and fills up the streams.

I was WOWED!. Where is my faith like that? I struggle with consistantly believe God will come like the rain to refresh me, to fill me with His Spirit. But it is so true. He comes when we need Him. Not too long ago Lake Lewisville was really low as most lakes were. Then at the beginning of the year we got a lot of rain, lakes were refilled, the green grass that grows all around was filling lawns. He came and provided as we were in a panic. A plant doesn't need Brawndo

Lord my soul longs for you like the tree longs for the rain, nothing will else will satisfy. Let it rain on me, my friends, my family. Let your spirit soak us in peace, righteousness, faith, love, mercy, and forgiveness. I need you Lord to lead me. I need you to lift me up.

Isaiah 45:8 "Shower, O heavens, from above, and let the clouds rain down righteousness; let the earth open, that salvation and righteousness may bear fruit; let the earth cause them both to sprout; I the LORD have created it."

Friends

I've never been one to make many friends. I've made a lot of acquaintances. I've kept people at a distance and when I've tried the next step things always fell apart. Its not that I don't want them closer but that I don't think they want to be closer. I keep conversations casual, not too deep.

I lost what I thought were friends when I became a christian. They thought I had a "Holier than thou" attitude because I stopped doing drugs, and things that I did before. And since then I have been slow to allow anyone in. But God has changed that in me. I have brothers and sisters in Christ that I now consider family...closer than a brother, closer than a friend.

It was tough for me. I judged a lot. And had taken on the "Holier than thou" that I didn't want. I judged to a point that God had me confess it to the whole church. I loved my friends and my heart ached at what I was doing to them in secret. I criticized instead of lifting up in prayer. Thankfully they forgave me. I enjoy the time we spend together and look forward to it every week. The fun and fellowship. But I must admit to longing for more. I've felt recently that its stayed too much on the surface. God is working in all of our lives, but other than "blogging" we rarely speak about what God is doing. His love for us is amazing. Galatians 6:2 says that we should "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ". I also want to share in their joys.

I've recently started meeting with one of my friends weekly. Its another part of my week I look forward to. I pray God blesses our time together. Whatever He may have in store I'm ready for.

Now it was a bit awkward to post this considering all my friends will read it, but I really wanted to share my heart. He is beautiful in all the ways he reveals Himself, through nature, our children, friends, etc. To see His image, His creation.

Cleaning House

So today in Bible study we were reading in Act 7 and something jumped off of the page at me. Starting in verse 48 it says (after talking about Solomon's temple)

"Yet the Most High does not dwell in houses made by hands, as the prophet says Heaven in my throne, and the earth is my footstool. What kind of house will you build for me, says the Lord, or what is the place of my rest? Did not my hand make all these things?"

Wow! It was all I could think. What kind of house do I have prepared for the Lord. On Saturday's we have friends over, and we clean, vacuum, do the dishes and prepare for visitors. But on a daily basis I inhabit a house that is usually cluttered. I have a 6 and a 2 year old so its messy quite a bit. But why do I expect God to inhabit the clutter of my heart? I don't keep in clean. Just like on Saturdays I straighten up a bit, but I don't do the fine, detailed cleaning like the baseboards, dusting, between the cushions, under the couch, in the hidden places that others can't see. I don't want to clean the hidden places of my heart, fearful of what I would uncover. Have you have looked under a couch after a year of not cleaning under it? Its not pretty.

Why do I short change Him? After all, "Did not my hand make all these things?", He created it. I am handcrafted, His masterpiece, His breath, and I destroy it daily.

God help me clean house. Help me to not miss the hidden places. Help me get on my hands and knees, searching for your will, your direction, your peace.

I WANT TO HIT SOMEONE!!!

Not really. I'm really into mixed martial arts. I want to train in it. Its not just the hitting, but the skill of trying to submit someone. Getting into position without giving your oponent an upper hand. Its really a chess match. I also think if I just got a punching bag or something it would help let out frustrations and things.

Here is a picture of one of my favorite fighters after a win. Doesn't that look like fun?!?!?!?!?

I miss her.

We used to talk. Even though I've never been much of a "talker" I could share my feelings, open up, cry, be honest with her.

I miss her.

We used to flirt. I miss that. Now I feel like I repulse her when I touch her in public. Its not always sexual. I'm a guy, I like sex, but my touch isn't always about that. I miss acting silly in stores, flirting, hugging, holding hands, putting my arm around her and she wouldn't feel awkward.

I miss her

I want to share with her without her feeling accused or blamed. Do I do that? Do I blame her? I don't mean to. I just want her to know how I feel

I feel she cares about the opinions of others more than mine. Maybe because I don't talk much. Its a vicious cycle. I think that she thinks I say things but that I don't mean them.

I miss her.

I used to be emotional. I'd cry about a lot of things. Now I don't know when the last time I cried was. I feel so hard, so bottled up. I know my hardness affects her. I don't want it to. All I've ever wanted since I fell in love with her is for her to be happy. Whatever it took. If I can look happy maybe she will be happy...

I love her. Bottom line. When I see her across a room, my heart still flutters. Its awesome. But I only see that in her about me when times are good. Why does she shut me out? What is it that I don't understand?

She has stuck by me in my worst of times. Addiction to porn, bad attitudes, laziness, etc. I love her for that. She is truly beautiful. Words can't describe the way I see her.

I miss her